This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by the Fox/Pujols/first-pitch conspiracy
By Simon Maloy

Oh, what a wonderful Wednesday ... we're guessing that today's show will be a tug-of-war between day two of the Sotomayor hearings and the newly unveiled health care bill coming out of the House, and since there's not a whole lot more we can say about Rush's Sotomayor commentary (which is growing increasingly repetitive and shrill), we'll offer a few thoughts on health care. CBO had some good news on the bill -- not only does it come in at the arbitrarily set limit of $1 trillion, it also covers 97 percent of Americans, which means it squares up nicely with the draft Senate legislation CBO scored earlier this month. And here's where we'll use our powers of prognostication to offer a short, but meaningful, prebuttal to the claim that you can't lower health care costs by expanding coverage: Yes, actually, you can.

But before we can get to, you know, things that matter, Rush had to talk about President Obama throwing out the first pitch at the All-Star Game last night, and the grand conspiracy behind it. Rush said the pitch did not make it to home plate. “The guy throws like a girl. I'm sorry. He throws like a girl; he had a girly toss.” George W. Bush is a man, said Rush, because he fired a strike at Yankee Stadium after 9-11. Gerald Ford was an all-American football player. But Obama, said Rush, is a big athletic klutz, and the media are trying to portray him as the next Michael Jordan.

And here comes the conspiracy part of it: “First off, he was booed. He was booed by half the crowd, but they knew he was gonna be booed. He wore a Chicago White Sox jacket when he went out to the mound. Now, the reason he did that was so that his handlers could explain that was the reason for the boos, because St. Louis and Chicago -- huge rivalry. He would have really been booed had he worn a Cubs jacket, because the White Sox never play the Cardinals. But regardless, he got booed and they set it up.” For those out there who are not fans of baseball, the Chicago White Sox are in the American League, and the St. Louis Cardinals are in the National League, which means they rarely play each other during the regular season, so there's not really much chance for a rivalry there. But the point here is that Rush acknowledged that this “rivalry” stuff makes no sense, but he nonetheless included it as part of the conspiracy. Rush also alleged that they had a first baseman -- the Cardinals' Albert Pujols -- behind the plate instead of a catcher, because they knew Obama would short it, so they needed someone who could scoop the ball out of the dirt. And then they had him shake hands with baseball great Stan Musial, said Rush, adding that Satan could shake hands with Stan Musial in St. Louis and the crowd would still cheer. “These handlers are very good,” Rush observed.

Then Rush aired audio of announcer Joe Buck introducing Obama, saying that we'll hear “a smattering of boos,” but people who were there told Rush that it was half-and-half between boos and applause. If you didn't watch the game, said Rush, you didn't see the “pathetic,” “girly” pitch. Rush then aired a montage of “state-run media types” who can't even be honest about the pitch. Rush told us that he knows a thing or two about ceremonial first pitches, and it's key that you get the pitch to the plate.

After the break, Rush backed off “a hair” on his criticism of Obama's pitch, saying that at least he's a supporter of athletics, and whenever the president supports athletics, that's better than not. Then Rush aired audio of longtime Yankee Stadium announcer Bob Shepherd announcing President Bush for his ceremonial first pitch on October 30, 2001.

Rush then had to get something out of the way before he got to the health care bill coming out of the House, which is “an outright disaster” that “will kill the United States of America.” Rush explained that one of the things that set him apart as a great thinker was a commentary he did years ago called “Ban the Ugly,” which called for banning ugly people from the streets during daytime. Rush then noted that Sharon Begley -- “chickification of the news” -- wrote in Newsweek that “teachers give good-looking kids higher grades than homely ones, all other factors being equal, as numerous studies have found.” Rush asked how we level the playing field -- stimulus funding for the ugly? You level the playing field by banning ugly people from high schools, said Rush.

Rush then said that he is the reason Republicans are going soft on Sotomayor. At least that's what the media are saying, like John King on CNN. Rush said he actually thinks the Republicans have done a pretty good job going after her. Rush then noted that Ed Whelan posted this at National Review -- a liberal law professor at Georgetown is just livid at Sotomayor for not being honest about her liberalism. This is actually good news said Rush, and what a message for the Republican Party. She knows she can't get confirmed if she tells us who she really is.

After the break, Rush informed us that his cousin was at the All-Star Game last night, and he “counted” the boos and the cheers last night, and they were 50-50. That's an impressive auditory feat, we must say.

Rush then aired an “incredible” sound bite from Hardball last night in which Chris Matthews said Graham was condescending to Sotomayor, and Roger Simon said he did that because Rush Limbaugh said Graham was too nice in his opening statement. Rush said he has not spoken to the senators on the committee about any of this.

Then Rush took a call from a woman who was upset at Rush's “girly pitch” comment -- she's a girl and she doesn't throw like that. Rush allowed that she might be right, but girls “don't throw overhanded.” After the caller informed him that she does, in fact, throw overhanded, Rush said that “the majority don't,” but those that do throw “vases and stuff like that, up against the wall.” Classy, El Rushbo ... Rush's next caller wondered if he's the only one who noticed that the camera feed did not show the location of the pitch. Rush said he already mentioned that, and “Fox did it on purpose.” Dear God ... the first-pitch conspiracy is so deep that they've managed to get Fox to run cover for a Democrat.

Leading into the break, Rush said if he really were advising the Republicans on the committee, he'd have them ask if Sotomayor is angry at the United States and has a “chip on her shoulder.”

After the break, Rush said the state-run media are saying that the Republicans are pandering to Sotomayor because they don't want to be associated with Rush. If that's the case, said Rush, then is she changing all of her positions to win Rush's approval? This woman sounds like Antonin Scalia -- she's stepping away from her own words and speeches. How do you distance yourself from yourself?

Rush then returned to Ed Whelan's post at The Corner, interrupting himself to say that since Colin Powell pronounced Rush's last name “Limbau” the other day, from now on he's going to pronounce Sotomayor as “Sotomayer.” He didn't explain how this made any sense. Anyway, Rush said in Sotomayor you have a radical woman in the mold of Barack Obama, and she doesn't have the courage to tell the committee what she really thinks, she's hiding her true leanings, and liberals are upset at this. What this tells Republicans is that there is no reason they should be losing elections. If this country really were in the image of Obama and Sotomayor, said Rush, then they wouldn't have to hide who they really are. This is wide-open for a true, red-blooded conservative Republican to walk in and start contrasting all this liberalism with what the founding fathers really intended.

Rush rounded out the hour with a caller who said that Obama seemed out of place at the All-Star Game, and he saw a photo of Obama holding the baseball like a golf ball. It was a girly toss, said Rush, and you can tell because he used three fingers. So we guess every pitcher who throws a change-up - which would be just about every pitcher in the major leagues, the minor leagues, Nippon Professional Baseball, la Liga Mexicana de Béisbol, etc. -- is a practitioner of the “girly toss.”

Greg Lewis and Zachary Pleat contributed to this edition of the Limbaugh Wire.

Highlights from Hour 1

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: Obama's pitch did not make it all the way to the plate. It did not make it all the way to the plate. It probably was short-hopped by the first baseman -- very unusual -- I'll explain way. The first baseman, Albert Pujols, was catching Obama's first pitch. The guy throws like a girl. I'm sorry. He throws like a girl; he had a girly toss.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: First off, he was booed. He was booed by half the crowd, but they knew he was gonna be booed. He wore a Chicago White Sox jacket when he went out to the mound. Now, the reason he did that was so that his handlers could explain that was the reason for the boos, because St. Louis and Chicago -- huge rivalry. He would have really been booed had he worn a Cubs jacket, because the White Sox never play the Cardinals. But regardless, he got booed and they set it up.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: I gotta get this one out of the way before we get to Sotomayor and the health -- this healthcare thing that the House has presented, folks; it is an utter disaster. And the Senate health committee has passed their version of it unanimously. This is an outright disaster. It will kill the United States of America. It will destroy this country if it's ever passed.

Enemies list

MSNBC's Ed Schultz:

LIMBAUGH: Now, there's a show on MSNBC named after a horse, The Ed Show. A talking horse. I think they brought the horse out of retirement to host the show. And the horse, Mr. Ed, is talking to a former CIA officer, Jack Rice, about the Sotomayor hearings. And Mr. Ed, the horse, says to the CIA officer, “I think you come from a profession where keeping your cool's pretty important. Did she pass the test today?”

Ladies' man

LIMBAUGH: This first up, Danielle in Lapeer, Michigan. Is that right? Lapeer?

CALLER: Yeah.

LIMBAUGH: Right. Well, welcome to the program.

CALLER: Hello.

LIMBAUGH: Yeah, hi.

CALLER: Well, I'm calling because I'm upset about that first pitch comment.

LIMBAUGH: What about it?

CALLER: Well I'm a girl and I don't throw like that.

LIMBAUGH: Well, that's not an insult. Girls don't throw overhanded like --

CALLER: Yes I do.

LIMBAUGH: Well, okay some do. But the majority don't. That's why -- everybody -

CALLER: You're just talk -- they don't pitch overhanded, but we throw overhanded.

LIMBAUGH: Well, yeah, bases and stuff like that, up against the wall. But -- [laughing]

CALLER: Aw, come on, he throws like a girl that doesn't know how to throw.

LIMBAUGH: There are some girls that -- they're -- throw overhanded and don't look girlish. But there's the term -- I didn't make up the term. Now, women they slow pitch --

CALLER: Yeah, we gotta end that term.

LIMBAUGH: No, you may not look like a girl when you throw, but I'm telling you most girls do and Obama looked like one. It's not insulting girls. They can't --

CALLER: My nine-year-old daughter throws better than that. [laughing]

LIMBAUGH: Your nine year old daughter is a girl, so you're making my point about Obama, see?