The Daily Show Mocks Media's Declaration That Marco Rubio Was “The Real Victor” In Iowa

From the February 2 edition of Comedy Central's The Daily Show with Trevor Noah:

TREVOR NOAH (HOST): So then, Jordan, Ted Cruz lost?

JORDAN KLEPPER: Yeah. First place lost.

NOAH: Oh okay, I see, I see. So then in this marathon, Donald Trump coming in second is actually the best.

KLEPPER: Trump? Oh god no. Trump being humble is something no one wants to see. It's like walking in on your dad jerking off.

NOAH: Now I've got that image. Okay, got it. So, second place is also failure. So that means Bernie Sanders must be very disappointed.

KLEPPER: Are you kidding? He did almost as well as Hillary Clinton. That's a huge victory.

NOAH: Oh, so Hillary did good, then?

KLEPPER: No, she did almost as bad as Bernie Sanders. That's a huge loss.

NOAH: But she won.

KLEPPER: Exactly, she lost. She better pray she loses in New Hampshire, so she can get back on top. Like Marco Rubio.

NOAH: But Jordan, Marco Rubio came in third.

KLEPPER: Which is a Republican first.

NOAH: Is this a riddle? You know how I feel about riddles.

KLEPPER: I know, they're witchcraft. I get it.

NOAH: Okay, Jordan. So if I've got this right, even though Rubio came in third, he was the Republican winner?

KLEPPER: Yes. But now he's a loser, because he's going to be a target in Saturday's New Hampshire debate. He'd be wetting his pants if he wasn't so dehydrated.

NOAH: Oh, okay. I get it now, I get it. So if doing good is bad and doing bad is good, then Jeb Bush must have done amazing last night.

KLEPPER: No. Jeb can't do good or bad anymore. He can only do Jeb. Which is like bad, but worse.


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