STEVEN CROWDER (HOST): If racism happened to be as prevalent as they claim that it is in the United States of America, where she was raised — of course they claim it's incredibly prevalent in Hollywood, which is where she worked — if it were so prevalent in Hollywood in the United States, why would she be shocked by something seemingly so innocuous? By the way, keep in mind that slavery has existed in the British Empire far longer than it was outlawed in the United States. People say “Oh, in England” — no no no, the British Empire. Sure you can talk about it being outlawed specifically with royalty in England, but the English Empire, it was still sustained by slavery, so why are you surprised? You've made it seem as though you faced borderline hate crimes in the United States your entire life. And if that's true, that's terrible. But it should be duck off of a biracial — water off a biracial duck's back if all they're just saying like, “Oh, I think your children might be a flat shade darker.” Who cares?
“I've been the victim of hate crimes my entire” — look, if you think that American cops are racist, what do you think the royal guards will do to you?
DAVE LANDAU (GUEST): They only have billy clubs, though.
CROWDER: Wait, wait, wait. This neighborhood's gone to shit, it has. I can't believe she's allowed here in the royal family tainting the gene pool. For us it's only brothers and sisters and flipper hands and grandkids --
LANDAU: I remember when it was nothing but cousins up in Buckingham Palace, doing it all night long.
CROWDER: That's right. We had to wheel them out of bed and make sure that we fit the [INAUDIBLE] of the tea mug in their flipper hand, right? With four fingers. That's the way royalty should look, not like these whippersnapper spooks.
LANDAU: No. Last thing you want in white skin is a little bit of a tan.