Where have all the non-chickified cowboys gone?

By Chrissy Schwen

Rush kicked off today's show grinning from ear to ear because Der Spiegel reported that the “man-child” Obama has failed the world on climate change. He decided this makes the world temporarily better.

He then moved on to announce that polls show Americans don't like anything Obama is planning to do, but they do like him personally. Rush, who proclaims himself to be colorblind, announced this is racism -- that Americans only say they like Obama because he's black. But it's troubling, Rush said, because “as long as the pollsters report that Obama is personally liked, that intimidates members of Congress into opposing his agenda.”

Rush then revealed that the only reason we're trying some of the Guantánamo Bay detainees in New York City, is to “spank ourselves.” He went on to inform the helpless audience that he used to spank himself in the studio. The less said about that the better...

Moving on to the Recovery Act, Rush announced that some of the jobs the government said were saved or created were in nonexistent congressional districts. Rush decided that this meant that not only were jobs created, but congressional districts were as well. He said he knew that the jobs created are fake because the Recovery Act is a “slush fund.” He even found a way to tie in ACORN:

LIMBAUGH: So we've got imaginary districts. Can you imagine how ACORN's gonna have an orgasm over this? Good God, when you can go in and make up an entire congressional district and then ballot stuff from a district that doesn't exist, except that it does on an Obama website? Whoa.

Rush then went back to the upcoming trial of Guantánamo Bay detainees. Rush again disputed the notion that Attorney General Eric Holder consulted with his wife and brother, but not Obama. Rush declared that it was “Obama's decision” and “purely political.”

Rush then took a break from doubting Holder's honesty in order to claim that he loves and has “respect for the Chi-Coms” because they did not let Obama “preen” while in China. Quite a departure from Rush's reaction when Anita Dunn quoted a “Chi-Com.”

Rush, the feminist, declares men are becoming “chickified,” women have plenty of rights

After the break, Rush embarked on a frank and honest discussion of the changing roles of men and women in society... just kidding. Instead, he continued his long history of sexist commentary and referred to this Huffington Post piece in order to claim that the people being held up as “real men” are actually “chickified.” He went on to say that women in this country have more rights than men, and “it ain't the case” that women are still being discriminated against. It's “gobblidly gook,” he added. Rush then decried that men don't even have a say in whether or not women can choose what to do with their own bodies.

Strangely, he didn't offer to give women input into his personal medical decisions in exchange.

Moving on, Rush talked about Fort Hood for a while, denouncing the media's inability to call it terrorism, and instead suggesting that Hasan “self-radicalized.” Rush tied in the upcoming detainee trials by falsely claiming Obama doesn't want a congressional investigation into the shooting and asking why Obama doesn't want a show trial into the Fort Hood shooting, but does want one in New York City.

Back to the Guantánamo Bay detainees, Rush mocked Sen. Dick Durbin's belief that housing them in Thompson, Illinois, will be good because they will bring needed jobs to the community. Rush scoffed at the notion, ignoring the needs of the community, as well as the support of community members.

After the break, Rush briefly called Vice President Joe Biden a nitwit, then turned to the issue of mammograms. Rush decided that the new guidelines suggesting women wait until 50 to get yearly mammograms means “this is the beginning of rationed care,” one of his favorite topics. Rush did not mention -- as the article did -- that for women 40-49, the damage from a false-positive mammogram can outweigh the benefit of early discovery.

Rush then heard from a caller who's astounded that the media fact-checked Palin's book but not the story about Recovery.gov citing jobs created in fake districts. Rush replied this is because much of the news is made up.

This interview brought to you by “common sense conservative principles”

Hour two began with his interview of Sarah Palin, in which Palin offered “dittos from Alaska”:

LIMBAUGH: We are going to open this hour with a rare personal interview, a rare guest -- doesn't happen much on this program -- but we are happy to have with us former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, whose book, Going Rogue, hits the shelves today, and it's already headed for, I think, a record in sales.

Governor Palin, thanks for making time; it's great to talk to you. We spoke last Thursday in an interview for the Limbaugh Letter, but it's great to have you here on the radio.

PALIN: Hey, thank you so much, and dittos from an Alaskan.

With the pleasantries out of the way, Rush and Palin embarked on a discussion of the economy, with Palin decrying its current state. She added that the “common-sense conservative principles” (which seemed to be the secret phrase of the day) of cutting taxes, creating jobs, and cutting the deficit “aren't even being discussed.” Instead, she suggested we all act more like Reagan did in the '80s, who she falsely claimed faced a worse recession, with “common-sense conservative principles.”

Moving on to the special election in New York-23, Palin stated that she was excited and encouraged by Doug Hoffman's performance, because it showed that “common-sense conservative principles” can truly make a difference in an election like this. Palin clarified that she doesn't believe Hoffman's “success” means that America is ready for a third party, but that independents will naturally gravitate toward the Republican Party's platform of “common-sense conservative principles” and its “common-sense conservative solutions.” Noticing a theme yet? After all, Palin added, “who wouldn't want” to join the Republican Party?

After a quick break, Rush and Palin got into her book. Surprising no one, Palin informed Rush that she was not trying to reach the “media elite” with her book, but instead common-sense Americans (who presumably have common-sense conservative principles). She added that she hopes those people will learn something from her book. Hopefully, they won't learn any Rogue facts.

Then Palin declared that she thinks climate change involves a lot of “snake oil science,” and she doesn't attribute it to any manmade activities. On a related topic, she also didn't understand why we don't tap into our domestic oil reserves.

On health care reform, Palin announced that the reform proposal in Congress amounts to a "government takeover of health care," and decided that instead we need “common-sense conservative solutions.”

Palin then gave her common-sense conservative solutions to America's foreign policy problems as an ode to Ms. Teen South Carolina:

PALIN: Well, I think, domestically, a threat that we're facing right now is the dithering and hesitation in sending a message to the terrorists that we're gonna claim what Ronald Reagan claimed -- “Our motto's gonna be, we win, you lose.” The way that we do that is allow McChrystal to have the reinforcements that he's asking for in Afghanistan. That sends that message to the terrorists over there that, now, we're going to end this thing with our victory.

We need to start facing Iran with tougher and tougher sanctions that need to be considered. We need to work with our allies and with the Iranian issues like Britain and France and not allow access to favorable international monetary bills. That's a great threat that I think would kind of shake up Ahmadinejad and get him to listen.

We need to look at halting Iran's imports of refined petroleum products -- they're quite reliant on imported gasoline. And we need to use that hammer to wake up the leadership there, too.

Those are two big challenges that we have right now. Domestically, and in naming those two countries, Afghanistan and Iran -- two big challenges there, too.

After the break, Rush summarized the interview, saying: “I think we know what her rallying cry's going to be.” Indeed. He added that he likes Palin because:

LIMBAUGH: You know, one thing, I've read her book -- she's not a navel gazer. I think that's one of the reasons I said yesterday that the intellectuals don't understand her, don't like her. She doesn't analyze herself. She doesn't analyze her thoughts; she just has them and expresses them.

Rush and a caller then agreed that Palin is great, that Obama is on an apology tour in China, and that he's a national embarrassment. The two next callers also said they believed that Palin should be president.

Rush's last caller before the break said he liked Palin, but thought that men are better leaders. Rush disagreed, but blamed feminism -- apparently, those feminists should have known their actions for equal rights would have caused a backlash like this. This brought Rush back to the “wimpification of men.”

The third hour of the show began with a segment of meta radio, in which Rush played a clip of MSNBC playing a clip of Rush's show. Rush was disappointed with MSNBC's conclusion that Palin does not favor an inclusive Republican Party. He stated that the Republican Party is more diverse, and that in the Democratic Party, you can't be pro-life or for tax cuts. I'm sure Congressman Stupak and President Obama would disagree.

Rush also disapproved of the media's criticism of Palin's book. Rush informed us that Palin's book is not all about the campaign, and that she was only setting the record straight:

LIMBAUGH: All I can say is read the book. It's about 10 to 12 pages on the campaign, and after you finish it, you will not think that she's selling anyone out; she is setting the record straight.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: The truth of the matter is that many people in the McCain campaign set her up and they would not let her be who she is. And she writes about it, and it's just a -- it's, I don't know, you can read it for yourself. It's a set-the-record-straight sort of memoir, if you will.

However, he did downgrade the book from "one of the most substantive policy books" he's read to a book with “some substantive policy stuff.”

After a quick break, Rush discussed a poll that found that Americans are concerned about the costs of health care reform, and that while the poll found broad support for reform, opinions shifted when people were asked about tradeoffs. Rush speculated that this is why people must vote for Democratic candidates, because they're ignorant of the specifics of the issues.

Rush then took a call from a “former feminazi” who informed Rush she wanted to “steal away” with him. It is as uncomfortable as it sounds. Rush's famous ego then appeared:

LIMBAUGH: Now, I have to know because our resident sexist here, Bo Snerdley, wants me to know what it was that switched you from becoming a feminazi to being who you are today.

CALLER: OK. Well, that's a really -- that's a real long story. But, first, I'd have to say God --

LIMBAUGH: Well, just remember this --

CALLER: It is -- it's God.

LIMBAUGH: -- just remember: brevity.

CALLER: It was God, but it was a lot of people in my life, and, you know, I just want to -- I want to say that it was a friend of mine, a radiologist whose name is Terry Kobeck, and he would walk around listening to you in the office. I worked for --

LIMBAUGH: So it was me. That's what we're getting at. It was me.

CALLER: It was.

LIMBAUGH: It was me and God.

Then Rush and his “feminazi” went on to ask where all the cowboys have gone (back to the “chickification of men”). After the call, Rush -- clearly needing to update his Netflix queue -- added that the only cowboy Democrats are "brokeback cowboys."

Rush wrapped up the show asking why more women don't want cowboys, and why women love Don Draper, even though he treats them badly. No one tell him that Draper isn't real; it'll just make him cry.

Zachary Aronow, Zachary Pleat, and Tom Allison contributed to this edition of the Limbaugh Wire.

Highlights

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: But the point is, as long as the pollsters report that Obama is personally liked, that intimidates members of Congress into opposing his agenda. Because Obama is universally liked -- oh, they really enjoy him; he's personal; he's smart; he speaks well. And even though people hate his issues and his agenda, they like him personally.

Well, my theory on that is that these approval numbers are skewed high, perhaps not artificially by the pollsters twisting things -- although they do do that with samples -- but I think the old, ugly, racist head has -- raises itself here. I think when a pollster calls somebody and says, “What do you think about President Obama?” I think people are afraid to say anything negative, because he's our first black president, and especially if the poll is done in person.

[...]

LIMBAUGH: So we've got imaginary districts. Can you imagine how ACORN's gonna have an orgasm over this? Good God, when you can go in and make up an entire congressional district and then ballot stuff from a district that doesn't exist, except that it does on an Obama website? Whoa.

Ego on loan from Narcissus

LIMBAUGH: Now, I have to know because our resident sexist here, Bo Snerdley, wants me to know what it was that switched you from becoming a feminazi to being who you are today.

CALLER: OK. Well, that's a really -- that's a real long story. But, first, I'd have to say God --

LIMBAUGH: Well, just remember this --

CALLER: It is -- it's God.

LIMBAUGH: -- just remember: brevity.

CALLER: It was God, but it was a lot of people in my life, and, you know, I just want to -- I want to say that it was a friend of mine, a radiologist whose name is Terry Kobeck, and he would walk around listening to you in the office. I worked for --

LIMBAUGH: So it was me. That's what we're getting at. It was me.

CALLER: It was.

LIMBAUGH: It was me and God.

Ladies' man

LIMBAUGH: What's happening in this country, Mr. President, is that the men of this country are becoming chickified. The huffing and puffington post has a new section on that website where they explore why women are unhappy. It is a daily thing -- daily posts -- trying to explain why women are unhappy.

[...]

CALLER: Oh my gosh, Rush Limbaugh -- former feminazi dittos.

LIMBAUGH: Former feminazi?

CALLER: Former feminazi dittos. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I just want to say, there's -- if I could steal away with you, Rush Limbaugh, there's so many things I wish I could talk to you about. But I just wanna say that I agree with you that I believe possibly that the left does hate Sarah Palin maybe more than you.

LIMBAUGH: Let me ask you a question out there, Laurie.

CALLER: Yes.

LIMBAUGH: Just to -- in my narcissistic mode here, a little question: If you did steal away with me --

CALLER: Yes.

LIMBAUGH: -- would I get a word in? Would you -- is your desire to just tell me what you think?

CALLER: No. No. It would take hours and hours and hours. No.

LIMBAUGH: OK. I just -- 'cause you said there's so many things you wanted to talk to me about, and I just envision myself sitting there listening.

CALLER: Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes.