This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by the pirates of ACORN
By Simon Maloy

Happy Friday, everyone. Just three more hours of Limbaugh this week, then all of you can enjoy your weekend. We, however, have top-secret work to do. A certain community activist organization -- let's call it, WALNUT -- has recruited us to infiltrate certain beverage-themed protests next week. Let's call them “coffee klatches.” It will require some extensive training, and we don't have a lot of time, but -- well, we've said too much already...

Speaking of community activists, Rush kicked off “Open-Line Friday!” in fine form, dubbing the Somali pirates “merchant marine organizers,” because "[t]hey are using the same techniques that community organizers like ACORN and others in this country use." According to Rush, the pirates are community organizers shaking down capitalists. Rush also attacked Time for describing Somalia as "[f]iercely conservative and suspicious of outsiders," and wanted to know why Time didn't just come right out and say that the pirates want Obama to fail. After reading a parody Obama speech posted at ExurbanLeague.com in which Obama “reaches out” to the “moderate” pirates, Rush attacked The New York Times for being “excited” and “enthralled” at the limits of U.S. power against the pirates. Rush said we are not “powerless” against the pirates because the destroyer on the scene could “wipe out” the lifeboat the pirates -- and the hostage captain -- are holed up in. The only sense in which the U.S. is powerless in this situation, according to Rush, is in our “will.” The “will” to do what, we're not sure. But if it involves “wiping out” the boat, then we have to wonder how the captain figures into this.

Rush then moved on to White House press secretary Robert Gibbs, playing audio of Gibbs saying that Obama is keeping “apprised” of the pirate situation. According to Rush, this means everyone is “acting presidential” because everyone is staying “apprised” of the situation. Then he attacked David Gergen for saying on CNN that it isn't necessary for Obama to be woken up in the middle of the night over things like the North Korean missile test or the pirate hostage situation, and that he's “smart” not to get in the middle of the pirate situation because “he doesn't want to micromanage that situation. That's what he has a government for.” Rush asked if that was the same government that George W. Bush had to handle Hurricane Katrina.

Back from the break, Rush was still “laughing” at Gergen for saying that Obama is “too busy” to be bothered at 3 a.m. by North Korea or pirates. Gergen didn't say that, as we noted above, but rather that Obama shouldn't be woken up at 3 a.m. because of those things. Regardless, Rush said that the Constitution says that the president is commander in chief, and it doesn't say anything about housing or mortgages or anything Obama was talking about, but Gergen said Obama is too busy.

Leading into the break, Rush returned to a call he took yesterday from a college student asking Rush to explain supply-side economics. Rush claimed that Reagan's supply-side economics were responsible for a 25-year economic boom that was demonstrably responsible for increases in standards of living across the world. Now, we're not historians, but we're pretty sure that 25-year period encompassed the presidency of Bill Clinton, and, frankly, we're as shocked as you to hear that he was such a Reaganite. And, as we very much enjoy pointing out, we're anxious to hear how Reagan's tax increases factored into his supply-side revolution. Anyway, Rush theorized that part of the reason people keep forgetting about how fabulous Reagan and his polices were is that Republicans haven't put forth a “capitalist” presidential candidate since the Gipper... Remember, kids, conservatism never fails Republicans; Republicans fail conservatism.

For the rest of the hour, Rush made good on a promise from yesterday, calling back a union man who disagreed with Rush's opinion of unions. He and Rush argued about the role of unions in the economy, with Rush's central contention being that it's impossible for socialist, anti-free market unions to act in the interests of corporations, particularly since they confiscate dues and donate them all to the anti-business “Democrat Party.”

Highlights from Hour 1

Outrageous comments

LIMBAUGH: In the first place, we're making a big mistake by calling them the Somali pirates. These are not pirates. These are merchant marine organizers. They are using the same techniques that community organizers like ACORN and others in this country use. So, from now on, to be totally, purely accurate, the Somali pirates on this program -- I'll probably slip up a couple times and call them that -- but, they're going to be known now as the merchant marine organizers.