This hour of the Limbaugh Wire brought to you by Obama's dream to “charm the pants off” Ahmadinejad
By Simon Maloy

After yesterday's Wire, in which we single-handedly chronicled Mark Steyn's three-hour exploration of Uighurs and incontinence with our “tippy-tapping fingers,” we received a number of e-mails wondering where Greg Lewis was and insistently demanding that he be brought back immediately, as the quality of the Wire had declined in his brief absence. To those e-mails we responded: “Mom, Greg's whereabouts are currently unknown -- he muttered something about hiking the Appalachian Trail as he stormed out of the office on Friday, and he hasn't been heard from him since." Well, just a few minutes ago we received an email from Greg, letting us know that he's fine, he'll be back in the office in time to write up hours two and three of Mark Davis' guest-hosting stint this afternoon, and that states are in no way obligated to accept stimulus funding.

Anyway, Davis got things going this afternoon with a couple of “peripheral things,” the first being president Obama's press conference this afternoon. Davis noted that it isn't in primetime, for which the networks are saying “Thank you, God,” which is how Obama prefers to be addressed. Then it was on to tonight's episode of HBO's Real Sports, in which Jim Brown is expected to “bust” Tiger Woods' “chops” for not being more involved on social issues, and, in Davis' words, not being “black enough.” And maybe the interracial Woods “literally” isn't “black enough,” Davis posited, but he's entirely “post-racial,” whereas “racial activists” like Jim Brown and Al Sharpton are not, because they need something to complain about.

Davis moved on to the Washington Metro commuter train crash, noting that he rode the Red Line as a young man working in D.C. Davis wondered how did the crash happen, and also why accidents like this don't happen more often. These sorts of accidents are very rare, Davis noted, and in a system full of human beings, you'd think it would happen more, but that's a testament to the people operating the D.C. Metro. Then Davis appealed to the people of South Carolina to explain what's going on with Gov. Mark Sanford's multi-day disappearing act. Davis said there must be a good explanation for why he vanished, but if there isn't, then the list of 2012 hopefuls just shrank by one because there can't be any weird stuff going on with potential presidential candidates. He's probably right -- Republicans usually only put up straight-laced candidates like Rudy Giuliani.

Leading into the break, Davis noted that November 4 is going to be the 30th anniversary of one of the darkest days in American history -- the storming of the U.S. embassy in Tehran. Davis said it took five months for Carter to launch a failed rescue attempt, and then the Iranians released the hostages knowing that Reagan wouldn't stand for it. Davis asked: Did Reagan at any point think he better go easy on Gadhafi? Or that he better ease back his support for the people of Lithuania? No, said Davis. The words of an American president made clear to those who sought liberty that America stood with them. Davis wondered and how the “total lack of those words from this president” reflect on that. Perhaps Davis missed Obama's statement from three days ago in which he said that the “universal rights to assembly and free speech must be respected, and the United States stands with all who seek to exercise those rights.”

After the break, Davis returned to Iran, saying that there have been two dominant story lines -- the protests over the election, and the efforts by the mullahs and Ahmadinejad to quash those protests. The words of the American president in the Reagan era resonated across the globe, said Davis, and people around the world knew that America stood with them. The words of an American president helped bring down the Berlin Wall. We brought down the Soviets without firing a shot, said Davis, and that fact is lost on the “historical illiterates” in the Obama administration, who think they're striking the right balance by denying the protesters the support they so desperately need. For decades, Davis continued, we have constantly said that we long for a time when the Iranian people will rise up. Well now they're doing it, he said, and what do they get from America? A president who says he is concerned but unwilling to interfere in Iranian issues. That is really weird to hear from an administration that wags its finger at Israel for daring to defend itself from people like Ahmadinejad, said Davis, who was surely thumped in the elections but was propped up by the ayatollah.

The ayatollah didn't want to see Ahmadinejad go down, said Davis, and neither did Obama: “The other leader hesitant to see Ahmadinejad go? That would be Barack Obama. A Mir Hossein Mousavi victory obliterates President Obama's dream of charming the pants off this proven lunatic, affirming that the sheer force of his magnetic personality can do more than that nasty war that Bush tried to win.” Davis had more thoughts on how George W. Bush is to thank for the situation in Iran: “I think President George W. Bush haunts and motivates President Obama in another way. President Obama knows full well that Iran sees neighboring Iraq right next door poised to enjoy freedom and democracy made possible by the war that he tried tirelessly to derail. A successful revolution in Ran would further cement the correctness of the Bush vision and that's a nightmare to a narcissistic neophyte like Obama.”

After the break, Davis noted that Obama had stepped up to the podium, saying that he heard that the press conference was moved inside because the White House didn't want Obama sweating. Davis aired portions of Obama's opening statement, in which the president condemned the violence in Iran. Davis said this was a day late and a dollar short. Then Davis aired audio of Obama saying that the U.S. respects Iran's sovereignty and won't be seen as meddling in Iranian affairs. Somewhere Bill Clinton is smiling, said Davis, as this was a textbook example of poll-driven tap dancing. He cannot anger the mullahs, said Davis, and wouldn't want to do anything to inflame the theocrats of Iran and disrupt their mint tea. But he's also getting “kicked in the teeth” every day by Republicans and some members of the media, so the narrative of a soft president unwilling to ruffle Islamic feathers has taken hold. Davis said that Obama has to try and make his poll numbers better, but also not make the mullahs mad. We're not so sure how plausible this theory is, as his poll numbers are already pretty good -- 52 percent approve of his handling of the Iran situation.

Then it was back to Sanford's disappearing act, as Davis recounted the reported details of Sanford's trip to the mountains, which he described as “implausible.” There are two default settings here, said Davis -- Democrats who don't like Sanford are going to paint him as mentally unstable, and people who love him are going to say this is nothing. But, Davis asked, how do you explain how a guy vanishes on Fathers Day weekend? This seemed very weird to Davis, who explained that it might not be too long before he starts thinking that Sanford should be the next U.S. president, so scrutiny is warranted here.

After another break, Davis noted that Sanford's spokesman said that the governor left Thursday to hike the Appalachian Trail, and that no one has ever accused the governor of being conventional. Unconventional is lovely, said Davis, but unexplained absences are strange. Davis then took a caller from the Palmetto State who said this story is much ado about nothing, and the people who needed to know where he was knew where he was. Davis asks how the caller knew that, and the caller said that has to be the case. Davis said it's weird that this avowed family man left on Fathers Day weekend, and said he needs the governor to explain to him what's going on because these explanations don't seem plausible.

Davis' next caller said she wished “the state-run media would spend half as much time looking for President Obama's birth certificate as they are looking for my governor.” We've noted that Limbaugh guest hosts have a penchant for birther garbage, and Davis is no different: "[S]ee now that is a way to go. There is nothing wrong with attention to this oddity because it is an oddity but isn't it interesting the oddities that the media culture chooses to focus on."

Well, good news. Greg just walked in carrying a fishing pole and wearing a Sanford '12 button, and he'll be taking over from here.

Greg Lewis and Lauryn Bruck contributed to this edition of the Limbaugh Wire.

Highlights from Hour 1

Outrageous comments

DAVIS: The other leader hesitant to see Ahmadinejad go? That would be Barack Obama. A Mir-Hossein Mousavi victory obliterates President Obama's dream of charming the pants off this proven lunatic, affirming that the sheer force of his magnetic personality can do more than that nasty war that Bush tried to win.

[...]

DAVIS: I think George W. Bush haunts and motivates President Obama in another way. President Obama knows full well that Iran sees neighboring Iraq right next door, poised to enjoy freedom and democracy made possible by the war that he tried tirelessly to derail. A successful revolution in Iran would further cement the correctness of the Bush vision and that's a nightmare to a narcissistic neophyte like Obama. The protestors have grown weary. They're probably about done. They thought America would stand up and help them. How foolish, how foolish they were to believe that would happen under this president.

[...]

CALLER: I do wish the state-run media would spend half as much time looking for President Obama's birth certificate as they are looking for my governor.

DAVIS: And now we are talking. There is nothing - see, now that is a way to go. There is nothing wrong with attention to this oddity -- because it is an oddity -- but isn't it interesting the oddities that the media culture chooses to focus on.