I know, I said I try to ignore this “war on Christmas” nonsense, but National Review's Jay Nordlinger apparently took my prediction that Armstrong Williams had written the dumbest passage of the week as a challenge.
Some have said, “You just can't find cards that say 'Merry Christmas.' It gets harder and harder.” I know. Kind of like trying to find products not made in China (for who's to say whether they come from laogai, the gulag?). I gave up on the China front long ago. Shameful, I know. But have you ever tried to buy an umbrella not made in China? Also, globalization has done wonders for the average Chinese, gulag or no gulag. Kind of a thorny, upsetting issue.
I gave up on the “Merry Christmas” front too, where cards are concerned. I just get a pretty card that says “Seasons Greetings” or “Whass Happenin' on the Holidays?” or whatever. Life's too short to hunt down “Merry Christmas.”
Now: What is the most famous greeting card maker in the world? Hallmark, right? So upon reading of Nordlinger's struggles hunting down a card reading “Merry Christmas,” I typed www.hallmark.com into my browser, and within seven seconds was looking at dozens and dozens of Christmas cards.
I do not believe Jay Nordlinger is actually too dumb to be able to find greeting cards reading “Merry Christmas.” I think it's far more likely that Jay Nordlinger is the kind of person who would lie about how hard it is to find such a card in hopes of stoking culture-war resentment.
Isn't it great that we have people like Jay Nordlinger to remind us what Christmas is all about -- by telling lies and encouraging anger and resentment and strife? I'd like to send Nordlinger a card in recognition of his efforts, but it really is hard to find one reading “Stop lying.”